Disconnected

Drowning, needing to pour out, but barely dripping drop by drop

Years of suppression, shame keeps flooding nonstop

Unwilling to reconnect that part of me that feels for me

Scared of the shock that comes when current and conductor collide

Uncertain that the pain could be endured with walls so exposed

Each time the reserve is tapped, the breaker trips - arresting the flow

Diagnostics required for any chance for restoration

The output and wall plug, both are secure

The power brick, where the current is altered for use

Lays disconnected, corroded from disuse

Since the system only works when in favor of others

Reawaken the connection - first see myself as another

Weighted

Experience that can’t be undone; can’t deny, can’t pretend

Innocence lost – I willed myself to forget

Disconnect, dissociate

Suppress the feeling - separate from what induced the pain

Now safe from the contractions – they deliver no tears

Illusory sense of security

While shame rages unrestrained underneath

Weighing on every thought – shattering how I see me

More and more weight to cushion the blows

Weight of the blame, weight of the sin, weight of the shame

Surface thriving; underneath barely surviving

God has washed me clean; can’t seem to live like I see

I’m sitting on the sideline, unable to run the race He marked for me

Needing to pour out, but barely dripping drop by drop

My heart is flooded; unwilling to reconnect the part of me that feels for me