Weighted

Experience that can’t be undone; can’t deny, can’t pretend

Innocence lost – I willed myself to forget

Disconnect, dissociate

Suppress the feeling - separate from what induced the pain

Now safe from the contractions – they deliver no tears

Illusory sense of security

While shame rages unrestrained underneath

Weighing on every thought – shattering how I see me

More and more weight to cushion the blows

Weight of the blame, weight of the sin, weight of the shame

Surface thriving; underneath barely surviving

God has washed me clean; can’t seem to live like I see

I’m sitting on the sideline, unable to run the race He marked for me

Needing to pour out, but barely dripping drop by drop

My heart is flooded; unwilling to reconnect the part of me that feels for me